I don’t mean to alarm anyone, but I have some bad news.
No, let me rephrase that. I have every intention of alarming you for the sae of increased traffic and attention - duh! - but I do so with news that may be met with considerable relief: Costco is out of Christmas Lights.
Oh, they have other stuff. You can still buy 196 Sharpies at once or a hectare-sized tray of pre-rolled turkey wraps or 486 athletic socks or vitamins in the hand 32-gallon drum or three-packs of store-brand salad dressing or a piano, but Christmas lights? None. Gone. Over. Sold out. The clerk said they wouldn’t be getting anymore. That window has slammed shut on your fingers, pal. Would you like 244 cans of chicken soup? Because that they can do.
There are several possibilities: 1) the entire shipment came from the Happy Sparkle State Arsenic Twinkle Co. Ltd, and had to be send back when the clerks who unpacked the boxes fell to the floor and suffered such severe convulsions they had to be placed in the Vibrating Chair department so other shoppers wouldn’t be alarmed. 2) They didn’t buy enough. 3) Canny Costco shoppers knew that peak bulk-light season was actually the day before Thanksgiving, and cleaned them out. It’s probably a combination of #2 and #3, although I’d gladly take some poisonous Chinese lights right now; it’s not like I’m going to chew on them for the next month. I just want to illuminate the house at Costco prices.
This may be good news if you really don’t want to overdo the lights this year. The bad news: hyper-costly trendy LED lights are widely available. I'd think it was a plot to get us to switch, if I believed in plots. I don't think the Rothchilds and Bilderbergers and the Trilateral Commission have finally pooled their efforts thrown all their weight behind one last desperate grasp for world government. The LEDs are more expensive, so people will use fewer! In the dark, we shall move swiftly against them! Right.
So: have you started to string the lights yet? Are you one of those frugal sorts who saves the lights and fixes the shorted-out lines the old-fashioned way – by giving them a good shake – or do you buy new each year?


thanks
Thanks to all of you that spared us the grievous annoyance of xmas lights before Thanksgiving. An additional thanks to all of you forgoing lights all together because you can't fathom tremendous waste of energy.
Sorry to be a naysayer... but just stop and think of all that energy going nowhere.