If you haven’t ventured out yet for Black Friday – that’s the cheerful, upbeat name for this deal-packed shopping day where you can get a 92 inch plasma Tvs for ten cents (limit one per universe, and it was sold out at 12:01:01) - you might be too afraid to shop. How does one do such a thing? What if I get lost in the stores? What if I run out of energy and fall over, trampled by the hordes? What if I forget to eat, and become so weak I am consumed by wolves in the far reaches of the parking lot? Don’t worry: the latest issue of USA Today had tips on shopping from a MOA “mall guru.” Ready?
"Take a break. Whether you stop to eat a meal, grab a snack, or simply sit and rest your feet, we all benefit from taking breaks. It's also a great chance to do some people-watching."
Thanks for the tip! Here’s another great idea: Inhale and exhale. Whether you take a series of continuous breaths or periodically hold your breath for a second or two, we all benefit from respiration. It’s also a great chance to oxygenate vital shopping organs. We’ll have more tips in a while. Don’t go shopping without them!
In other BF-related news: a guy gets a can thrown at his head for budging in line. I have to ask: When did “barge” become budge? To “budge” used to mean something between a bump and a nuge, but now “budging” means barging in line. Or, as we used to say, cutting. In any case, it’s no fair, and if you get a pop can thrown at your head, fine.
(Note: I have been informed by peers that it was always budging, at least in lower Minnesota. Must be an upper-plains thing.)
More on the miscreants who’ve been cutting data lines. The mug shots are perfect, if it’s a Guy Ritchie movie. You have the cynical nervy intelligent British ringleader; there’s Ox, who provided the brute strength, and Dopey, who went along with the others for comic relief. Go ahead: suggest actors for each of the characters.
The Penguin Strike Force reports its first victory. The war is on. Perhaps they’re mad over the planet-destroying might of the Rice Park Christmas Tree.
Off to report on the mall nightmare; back in a while.
black friday work nightmare
do stuff.
oops, not that.
lunch.
do stuff.
break.
do stuff.
pine for the road home in three hours.
if it weren't for the echo in here, and being able to park at the door, it would be like any old day.