James, do you have some kind of pirate-English text converter on your Mac, or did you spend a week or so researching all that pirate-speak? I'm amazed. And trying really, really hard not to laugh out loud at, "Sounds like Davey jones a-knockin’ booty with a squid," because I'm in training, and I don't think the instructor would understand.

Shiver me timbers, matey! We haven't heard tale o' that spammer in days...clearly, Cap'n James made that bilge-rat walk the plank, all the way t' Davy Jones's locker.

You'll be a pirate yet with your beauty wench, little bilge rat, and your scurvy dog.

I'm just picturing our host occasionally murmuring the phrases he's typing, while sitting in the neighborhood cafe.

Then I'm picturing nearby patrons shifting their chairs away from his eeeever so slightly as the day progresses...

Aye, Aye, not sa bod fer a loblolly boy of a backspace pusher such as yerself.
But look alive there! The bloomin' bowsprit of a pint o this ere Jabber like a Pirate Today is ta remind ye that yer destiny awaits off the port bow! 'Oist the mizzen and prepare to grab life by the blowhole ye swabs! Arrrh! Drop thot keybard and get ta paddlin'!
I ot a holystone the whole lottaya, bunch a lowdown word processin' rapscallion scalawags...

But I b'lieve ye should give tail-gatin' lubbers lashed to the grates a taste o' the cat, and p'raps let those who wear Crocs too long walk the plank t'see how they like walkin' with real crocs!

But fer scurvy scum what deface a man's bucket with bilgey SPAM, there's nay but one fittin' treatment --- KEELHAUL 'EM!

Pirate's Alphabet: EH?, AYE!, AAAAARRRRR!

Be it only me or do the rest of you Plankton read this entry of Buzzzing with a voice like Mr. Krabbs who be on SpongeBob Squarepants?

Geeze. Fifty years of learning English and it's gone in one morning of Pirate speak. Pardon me whist I go IM the first matey.....

Methinks the Captain of the good ship Buzz's been hittin' the coffee this morning... Any o' ye scalawags fancy a good old-fashioned mutiny?

Oh, that was yesterday's topic, pardon me.

Dream job? How about running a successful restaurant?

-S. Plankton

Grippe pokin's? Winter CAAaarnivals?

Ye Viking Pirates is shiverin' the timbers of us Caribbean scalawags!

McAllisterK, I didn't even realize it, but it was Mr. Krabs's voice in my head while I was reading those comments. I guess I'm just a pirate noob, but I can't seem to muster up any of the appropriate lingo beyond "Argh, matey."

I love ya, Plankton. Your my favorite character on the show!

Check out me pirate matey. (Safe for work)

http://youtube.com/watch?v=vObsjrs7_78

that I read pirate speak with is based on the mangy dog of a fisherman from Jaws.

I was a senior in high school, and a member of the marching band, when we traveled to Disney World to march in the Main Street Parade.

While we were there, our favorite stop was "Pirates of the Caribbean," where our favorite pirate on the ride would mutter "Avast there, ye scum!"

As high schoolers, we found this hilarious; 28 years later, I still find it hilarious.

"Avast there, ye scum!" Try it sometime. It's very soothing.

I was once a Badger JayGee, a Riverine Warfare Badger. Of course, we USN types look upon pirates as prey, not predators. Nontheless, the era of the pirates still influenced the USN of 1980s.

While the big Blue Water warships would go to Battle Stations thusly: a gong sounding BONG BONG BONG BONG, while the Bosun Of The Watch would announce over the 1MC, ( in this case, for a ship-ship action), "GENERAL QUARTERS GENERAL QUARTERS All hands man your battle stations for surface warfare".

Now in the world of the Brown Water Navy, on the other hand, the PBCO, ( Patrol Boat Commanding Officer), would simple cry out, " ARRR, me proud beauties, 'tis the enemy I see afore us. To the guns, lads, 'tis to glory we steer!" I think our way had a certain amount of flair to it.

If we're going to talk like pirates, let's at least copy the right dialect: it supposed to be a theatrical version of the Cornish/south coast of England accent(not Cockney--no "aye" for "ay" vowel sounds). Go watch any of several Robert Newton pirate films. He's pretty much who Americans learned it from. And drop the faux medieval "methinks" vocabulary(really, James--varlet?) Unfortunately, every performer who thinks they're doing it lately seems to get one more remove away from the real thing, much as whoever's voicing Toucan Sam these days has forgotten he's supposed to be doing Ronald Coleman.
All this piratical stuff makes me think of the production of "Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead" I did in school--Act II opens with Hamlet on the pirate ship, except Stoppard has him on an upper deck, in a deck chair under a beach umbrella. The first time we saw the set, our Rosencrantz looked up, and in his best Bugs Bunny said, "YOO-hoooo! Mister PIII-raaaaayt!" We were useless for a good twenty minutes after that...

a subsequent check of Wikipedia shows that the term "Scalawag" frequently "borrowed" in pirate lingo was actually a term originating from the Southern states during the reconstruction era.

Hey, it's just Talk Like a Pirate Day, not Talk Like an Authentic Pirate Day.