Q: What's the chief difference between traveling by air today and going to jail?

A: If you go to jail, you have a pretty good chance of getting out again ahead of schedule.

I'm a big proponent of Penn Jillette's Bacon and a Kiss airlines. If you take a flight with these people, you get by without all the security BS. In exchange you eat some bacon and kiss a person of the same sex. The theory is that true students of Islam would not do either of those things. Pass that simple screening and you get to your seat in a hurry. Now all you have to worry about is love handles and mononucleosis.

On our flight back from Walt Disney World, we left from Orlando's airport. We shuffled our way through security. Our kids were five-and-a-half and two-and-a-half, my daughter Zoe being the younger.

We came through the machines, and I was getting on my shoes and loading my pockets, when Zoe spotted the attractive kid's chair in the area set aside for more detailed wand searches. (Presumably for the child of a passenger needing the search.) So she went straight to that chair and sat in it. It was painted like a zebra, after all; I can't say I wasn't tempted, especially after all that standing.

But there was this barrier ribbon, and I figured if I went into that area, which was more of a before than an after, that it would cause issues. So my wife and called Zoe, who finally came back to us so we could get get on the plane.

Jacob

My beef is the zombie iteration of the words "at this time," as if the word "now" were verboten in the airways.

"Ladies and gentlemen, we are offering a choice of beef or chicken AT THIS TIME."

"AT THIS TIME we ask you to fasten your trays in an upright position..."

"Ladies and gentlemen, this is the captain speaking, we are auguring in AT THIS TIME."

(Frightened whispers, "does he mean NOW?")

When I was doing a lot of traveling after 9/11, I found that having a flight booked with two different airlines would always give you an 'SSSS' stamp on your ticket. For those who aren't aware, that 'SSSS' means that I'm a security risk and better be checked out. The first security person would see this and direct me to the special line for extra security which rarely had more than one or two people in it.

Since I generally travel with just a laptop and a toothbrush, the extra security was little more than testing my laptop bag for explosives residue and a wand over my clothing (always a t-shirt, a pair of nylon "track" pants, UGG shoes and no metal on my person - had this down to a science). I would regularly save 15-30 minutes in lines. The co-workers I'd come to the airport with were always shocked at how fast I got through until I told them my secret.

I found Boston and Raleigh-Durham to be the slowest lines and I would always book different airlines on my round trips to these destinations! These days the lines aren't nearly as long (insert your own reason why here) so I don't go out of my way to do this anymore. Some people think it's crazy to plan things like this, but when you travel a lot, you get into some serious routines.

One last note... even during the days of the really long lines, I always found that parking in the ramps at MSP and using the skyway security checkpoint was quite fast. Seems that mostly experienced travelers used that one...

I live in Southeast Alabama. Yesterday, I got gas for $2.73/gal! Anyone wanna move to Dothan?

the obvious riposte is to ask if there is anything at all in Dothan, AL worth getting in the car and going to. (rimshot)

but of course, "it would be wrong." so I won't.

Since 9/11 I have only "screwed-up" twice by bringing banned items (unintentionally) on board. Once was a pack of matches from a great steak house where I enjoyed a fine cigar. I never even realized I had them until I was home.

The other time I brought on board a bottle of water that I purchased inside the security zone. Oh the horror! For that one, I said to the stewardess (flight attendant for PC folk), "In the spirit of full disclosure, I should mention I left a bottle of water in the side of my backpack." She gave me a wry grin and said, "Well here, (handing me the bottle) you'd better drink some so that I know it really is water." I did so, and we both started laughing.

This is not to say I don't take security seriously. That bottle of water could be anything. If you're not familiar with the Bojinka Plot, you might not be aware of just why banning things like contact solution in containers over 3oz might have some very sound reasoning. (The linked article is surprising to a lot of people who think that terrorism began on 9/11)

Ever since 9/11, I've taken to wearing shorts to get thru the security lines. No matter the season. I've got an artificial limb, left leg, below knee amputation, AND two metal rods in each femur which set the wand all a twitter. When I wear pants, most people can't tell, after 9/11, it makes the screening process so much easier for all involved. I set the machine off everytime, and the security folks for the most part go over things pretty quickly with me. THREE times since 9/11, I've been extremely annoyed going thru security.

First, June 2002, my future wife and I were flying to Las Vegas from Mpls. to get married. They of course pulled me aside and left all my valuables in the bin sitting there by itself, even after I asked them to retrieve them for me, they refused. My wife, saw what was happening and went over to pick them up, all our money was in that bin, as were our wedding rings, etc. A cop stopped her and questioned why she was carrying all that stuff, he initially told her to leave the area but she refused with all my things just sitting there. She finally convinced him that I was with her and those were my things that were sitting there for anybody to grab. He agreed to let her wait for me, next to him of course. That was the last time I wore slacks thru airport security, in the meantime, they pulled me aside, into a private room and made me drop trou. Very humilating. IF she hadn't been with me, my things would have long disappeared.

The second time was going thru security in Madison, WI! They were the worst. Had visited a job site in April, very muddy. My boots were in my carry-on, wrapped in a plastic bag to keep them from getting my clothes all dirty. They pulled me aside, even tho I was wearing shorts, they made me remove my limb and ran it thru the xray machine, even asked me if I could walk thru the metal detector without it! I just about lost it. Then they proceeded to pull every last item out of my bag, in full view of everyone. I wanted to ask them if they were trying to justify their jobs because we're in MADI-FREAKING-SON WISCONSIN! What, is someone going to smuggle Leinie's on a plane back to MN? Ugh.

Last time was just this past Wed, now I live in Phoenix, had to go to a job site near San Diego, CA. Quick day trip. In the airport on my return flight, they put me in the queue line, nobody else was in it, I stood there for a full 15 minutes while there were four male TSA employees standing by a desk just chatting away. Finally a female TSA saw my co-worker just hanging around and asked him to leave the area, he told her that I had been waiting for quite awhile, she finally chased someone over to get the body-cavity search over with. Meantime, all my things are again sitting in the tub, at the end of the conveyor belt. I could at least see it but i was trapped in a glass booth, couldn't do anything about it. Started doing the mime bit about being trapped in a glass booth to amuse my traveling companion, except, I WAS TRAPPED IN A GLASS BOOTH!

I'd rather drive just about anytime, anyplace if the time is available. It's maddening sometimes.

We'll see what happens in Aug, I'm flying to MN for a long weekend to see family. Always an adventure.

It's simply a "Rule".

TSA exists primarily to make up and enforce various "Rules" of that nature. Most of them do little or nothing to ensure anyone's safety.

They do, however, accomplish the objective, which is to remind the flying public that they are not any longer Citizens of a Republic, but subjects of whatever Administration is in power this year.

They are from the Government, and they are there for the purpose of imposing their will on you, so that you get used to obeying.

I was in college out-of-state during/after 9/11 and fairly regularly flew between school and home. At the time I had a pair of heavy, thick-soled shoes, yet I have never removed my footwear (or any other article of clothing, for that matter) at the airport, voluntarily or involuntarily. I've taken knitting needles, tweezers, nail-clippers, razors, and cameras in my carry-on but have never been stopped. You just have to be confident and not over obliging. Being a young, relatively harmless-looking female probably doesn't hurt, either.

"Law?"..."rule?"...hey, Jefferson101, if it means I can fly to Oregon instead of having to drive from Pennsylvania, I'll wear a tutu and perform "I'm A Little Teapot" (a horror no one wants to see).

So efficient is big-G Government at "imposing their will on you" that they've largely failed to note the arrival of 10,000,000 to 12,000,000 illegal immigrants in recent decades, many of whom cannot even speak the language, and a very, very few of whom want to kill Americans. And that, of course, is why we have to take off our shoes, remove our belts, get patted down for toenail clippers and nail polish and all the rest.

And thank you, "Stormy2084" for the link to the "Bojinka Plot," helpfully explaining why we put up with this nonsense. I'd never heard of it.

I swear we should be able to sue the airlines for unlawful imprisonment when they won't let you off the planes when delays hit.

First, thanks to Stormy2084 for the link to the Bojinka Plot. I had never heard of it...scary stuff.

The only time I was ever inconvenienced while flying was on the return trip from Santa Ana, CA, to KY, in 1997. I had a windbreaker-type jacket that rolled up into its own zipper pocket, and had a little loop thing so you could hang it on your belt. Very handy, since I always freeze on the plane. Something about that jacket/pocket caused the security lady to go bonkers, though. She shrieked, "WHAT IS THAT?!?!" I calmly told her, and she clearly didn't believe me. I had to open the zipper, unroll the jacket, put it on, and re-do the whole thing just to appease her. She finally let me through, but she looked like she still didn't trust me--I believe she thought I might have created some sort of black nylon jacket-bomb. In the meantime, my husband was standing there looking all smug because he had a similar jacket but it hadn't caused a peep out of his security person.

So ---- suddenly it's okay to have little containers of flammable liquid on planes, when we can't have a nearly-empty 6 ounce tube of toothpaste, because it may have weighed more than 3 ounces in the past.

I, for one, would rather NOT have lighters on the plane. They can set things on fire more effectively and quickly than matches can, and it is not advantageous to have things on fire in airplanes.