Today is the only day anyone ever uses the word “paraskevidekatriaphobia.” You know what that means: fear of Today. Friday the 13th falls on a Friday this month, which makes it doubly unlucky. If you believe that sort of thing. I don’t know why anyone would; the idea that some people are paralyzed with dread today strikes me a nonsense, and I don’t care if they have a word for it. They have a word for the irrational fear of finding sheep in a phone booth, probably. People who suffer from phobiaphobia, which is the irrational fear of irrational fears, might hesitate to leave the bed today, but I doubt their numbers are great. Some suggest that 21 million Americans are afraid of today, and by “some” I mean the doctor who came up with the term paraskevidekatriaphobia, and has probably spent his entire life waiting for it to come up in a Scrabble tournament. Twenty-one million? Well, 21 million people would click on a link that promised a clip of Paris Hilton trying to read “Cat in the Hat” without following the words with her finger, so I suppose that sounds right.

Elsewhere in history: my, the things you learn. On this day in 1832:

Ozawindib (Yellow Head), an Ojibwe guide, shows Henry Rowe Schoolcraft that Lake Itasca is indeed the source of the Mississippi River. Schoolcraft would name the lake from the Latin words Veritas Caput (True Head), using the last syllable of veritas and the first of caput. The Ojibwe name for the lake is Omushkos, meaning "Elk Lake."

We were this close to Lake Ascaput, I think.

In 1881 Faribault started to require dog licenses. That’s it for 1881. I will never complain about slow news days again.

From the Strib Fiche Tank, another big bold Star headline from 70 years ago:

Not “no new taxes,” but “no taxes, period, go away.” Now let’s jump ahead ten years to July 13, 1947. The paper had this remarkable look at the way things were:

“Housewives were urged to lay in foodstuffs today to care through their needs through Wednesday, by William Groschen, chairman of the annual picnic of (the) Minneapolis Retail Grocers’ Association.”

Why? Because most stores would be closed for the picnic. We live in an age when we expect grocery stores to be open at 2 AM on Christmas Morning – imagine how people would react if they found their neighborhood store was closed for a picnic. People would break down the doors just to steal canned hams to throw through the window. The forthcoming festivities were described thus:

“Included are an address by Mayor Hubert H. Humphrey, a concert by the Minneapolis Police Band, personal appearance by Alan Stephan, ‘Mr. America’ races, a surfboard riding demonstration, selections by the Flame Room quartet and a circus clown.”

Mayor Humphrey went on to bigger things. The Police Band still exists – they’re playing Saturday in Hopkins, in fact. Alan Stephan was a “classic bodybuilder,” Google informs us – that might explain the “Mr. America” races. The Flame Room Quartet entertained folks at the Radisson Hotel – for decades folks could buy Flame Room Coffee from McGarvey, a local roaster. You still can.

The Meat Dealers also took the day off, but they had a separate party.

Note: if we could steal from Dave Barry once again, we would like to note that “Meat Dealers” is a band name waiting to happen.

Holidays? Thank you for asking. It’s Pecan Pie Day. Hot, with a scoop of ice cream: makes you glad to be alive. It’s also Barbershop Music Appreciation Day, which wouldn’t be necessary if people really liked it. Which they don’t. Unless it’s these guys. Everyone loves the B-Sharps.