There is a hymn called something like "Sing to the Lord a New Song." I think it is in at least the current ELCA hymnal. I can't find the lyrics on line but it is full of absurdities like "loud boiling test tubes." Makes me want to wretch as a former teacher of high school English.

I always thought Rick Springfield's Jessie's Girl had a clumsy lyric.

"...I wanna tell her that I love her but the point is probably moot..."

Who uses the word moot let alone in a rock song?

Well I take whatever I want.
And baby I want you.
You give me somethin' I need
Now tell me I've got somethin' for you.
Come on, come on, come on and do it.
Come on and do what you do.

I can't get enough of your love.
I can't get enough of your love.
I can't get enough of your love.
I can't get enough of your love.

Guess the title of that song!
From your favorite era.

"Blinded by the light...Revved up like a deuce, another runner in the night. - Manford Mann's Earthband

For years I never knew what was being said and now that I know...I still don't get it. Does anyone?

It also sticks in your head way too long. Sorry.

At least he wasn't when he wrote:

'Hate California; it's cold and it's damp'

"I am," I said
To no one there
And no one heard at all
Not even the chair.

Oh, Neil! You're a lyrical genius!

I only have this to say:

Someone left the cake out in the rain.
I don't think that I can take it
Because it took so long to bake it
And I'll never have that recipe again... oh no!

I have been pondering a theory on this very subject maybe with a little inspiration fron our host. All lyrics in pop songs are stupid. There must be exception but, I came to this realization when I was thinking about songs I like. Most of the time it is the strain of trying to rhyme.

Example "Love Hurts," Orbison or Nazareth, besides being depressing, after some 30 years of hearing the song I noticed the line "love is like a flame, it burns you when its hot," is flat out a misdirected metaphore, straining to rhyme with "I really learned a lot". Don't get me started on what "Love is like a cloud, Holds a lot of rain" is suppose to mean.

Have a good weekend and look out for those cold flames.

-roger "bgbear" from california

Give credit where it is due and thank Bruce Springsteen for those "Blinded by the light" lyrics.

That's actually a Bruce Springsteen lyric. Still doesn't make sense but give credit where credit is due.

The Berenstain Bears TV show theme song.

They're kinda furry about their torso.
They're a lot like people, even more so.

It burns, it burns!!!

To be honest, I like the song "A horse with no name" by America but the words are just kind of nutty and simple, almost too simple. Just look at the first verse

On the first part of the journey
I was looking at all the life
There were plants and birds and rocks and things
There was sand and hills and rings
The first thing I met was a fly with a buzz
And the sky with no clouds
The heat was hot and the ground was dry
But the air was full of sound

I can't decide which is worse "and things" or "the heat was hot"

I thought dog-faced girl was gone :(

On topic!

Edwin McCain's "I'll Be"
"I'll be your love suicide"

I don't even know?!? I'm not sure that's something that I want?

Actually, Springsteen wrote "Cut loose like a deuce". I have no idea what was going through Manfred Mann's head, but he actually sings what sounds like "Revved up like a douche".

I'll see your Neil Sedaka and raise it with the truly excreable top-40 hit from the 1970's, "Chevy Van" by Sammy Johns...

*****************************

I gave a girl a ride in my wagon
She crawled in and took control
She was tired 'cause her mind was a-draggin'
I said, get some sleep and dream of rock and roll

'Cause like a princess she was layin' there
Moonlight dancin' off her hair
She woke up and took me by the hand
She's gonna love me in my Chevy van
And that's all right with me

Her young face was like that of an angel
Her long legs were tanned and brown
Better keep your eyes on the road, son
Better slow this vehicle down

'Cause like a princess she was layin' there
Moonlight dancin' off her hair
She woke up and took me by the hand
We made love in my Chevy van
And that's all right with me

I put her out in a town that was so small
You could throw a rock from end to end
A dirt-road main street, she walked off in bare feet
It's a shame I won't be passin' through again

'Cause like a princess she was layin' there
Moonlight dancin' off her hair
She woke up and took me by the hand
We made love in my Chevy van
And that's all right with me

'Cause like a princess she was layin' there
Moonlight dancin' off her hair
She woke up and took me by the hand
We made love in my Chevy van
And that's all right with me

The chorus that drives me to drink is from the one-hit-wonder band Deep Blue Something in “Breakfast at Tiffany’s”. With lines broken where the singer pauses, here’s how it goes:

And I said,
“what about
‘Breakfast at Tiffany's’?
She said, "I
think I
remember the film.
And as
I recall,
I think,
we both kinda liked it."
And I said,
"Well, that's
the one thing we've got."

It’s obvious that the love interest in question is dumping this feckless cad due to his Castro-length monologues. His basic point, “hey we both like ‘Breakfast at Tiffany’s’,” is littered with semantic equivalents to uhhs, umms and stammers. Talk about padding the meter! I might give it more respect if he just penned it more honestly:

I said, “what about ‘Breakfast at Tiffany's’?”
She said, "Uhhhh, oh yeah, I think, ummm, errrr, yeah, okay. I guess.”
And I said, "Yeah. So there! Dumb girl."

Jon, ExurbanLeague.com

I used to hear "Three Marlenas" by the Wallflowers on the radio. After finally figuring out the lyrics, I was forced to conclude that the only rational explanation for them was that they were intended as a parody of rock lyrics. They contained so many examples of odd (wrong) grammar, forced rhymes, pointless ambiguities, and just plain silly imagery that I couldn't imagine that it was an accident, and concluded that it must have been intentional (the alternative was too painful to contemplate).

re:Sing to the Lord a new song

Sounds like your experiencing a "mondegreen"

http://www.rulefortytwo.com/mondegreens.htm

If only it was. The name of the hymn is actually "Earth and All Stars," and while I'm not having luck finding the lyrics online either, I've sang in enough to know that line about the test tubes is there. Mercifully (as is fitting in church) that verse only seems to be used around graduation time.

Ah yes. A favorite peeve of mine.

How 'bout "...hot, sweet cherries on the vine..." (Sammy Hagar). Cherries grow on vines? Who knew?

Or: "Feels like the first time/like it never did before..." (Foreigner) Eh? Can't be both, mates!

Or: "And in this ever-changing world in which we live in..." (Paul McCartney) Probably this line holds the record for prepositional redundancy.

Or: "I ain't no porcupine/take off your kid gloves" (Bonnie Raitt) My favorite lyrical inanely-mixed-metaphor. Kid gloves are for delicate things; whenever I have occasion to handle porcupines, I tend to use oven mitts.

And I usually like hymns:

Words: Herbert F. Brokering (b. 1926) Music: Earth and All Stars, David N. Johnson (b. 1922)

1. Earth and all stars, loud rushing planets,

sing to the Lord a new song!

O victory, loud shouting army,

sing to the Lord a new song!

Refrain:

He has done marvelous things.

I, too, will praise him with a new song!

2. Hail, wind, and rain, loud blowing snowstorms,

sing to the Lord a new song!

Flowers and trees, loud rustling leaves,

sing to the Lord a new song! Refrain

3. Trumpet and pipes, loud clashing cymbals,

sing to the Lord a new song!

Harp, lute, and lyre, loud humming cellos,

sing to the Lord a new song! Refrain

4. Engines and steel, loud pounding hammers,

sing to the Lord a new song!

Limestone and beams, loud building workers,

sing to the Lord a new song! Refrain

5. Classrooms and labs, loud boiling test tubes,

sing to the Lord a new song!

Athlete and band, loud cheering people,

sing to the Lord a new song! Refrain

6. Knowledge and truth, loud sounding wisdom,

sing to the Lord a new song!

Daughter and son, loud praying members,

sing to the Lord a new song! Refrain

"...I dug my key into the side of his pretty little suped up four wheel drive
Carved my name into his leather seats
I took a Louisville Slugger to both headlights
Slashed a hole in all four tires..."

Wouldn't the cops know who Suspect #1 is if she carved her named into the seats?

Neil Diamond,
Songs she sang to me
Songs she brang to me

Also U2 (from 'One', I think?)
Did you want too much?
More than a lot?

I may have misheard that last one, it's just so bad.

This has always bugged me about "Live and Let Die."

"...this ever-changing world in which we live in..."

Good one, Paul.

From the hymn, "Come, Ye Faithful, Raise the Strain."

No song with the word "moist" in it can be good.

Yeah, they generally suck but the one line that always got me:

"It's a girl, my lord!
in a flat bed Ford
slowing down to take a look at me..."

My goodness, a girl in a pickup truck, will wonders never cease? And he tells us the critical info that the Ford is a flat bed, but leaves out other critical stuff like what kind of tires were on it.

Later:

"Lookin' for a lover,
that won't blow my cover. <-- (The dumbest line ever)
She's sooo hard to find."

First, he's a country bumpkin cruising through smallville USA then he's 007 looking for a life partner. Bah!

Inspired from above, I'm going to rewrite these better:

"It's a girl, just my luck
in a big ole truck
running over a blue hair because she wasn't paying attention to where the hell she was driving!"

...

"Looking for a slut
that won't mind me being stupid
it looks like I'm sleeping with 'Rosy' again tonight."

From John Mellencamp's Small Town this comes from:

"No I cannot forget from where it is that I come from

You can be my Yoko Ono
You can follow me wherever I go
Be my, be my,
Be my, be my Yoko Ono.

From Songfacts.com

This was Springsteen's first single. It was released only in the US, where it flopped.
This was a #1 hit for Manfred Mann's Earth Band in 1976. Their version was much more elaborately produced, and Springsteen hated it at first.
Manfred Mann's version replaces the line "Cut loose like a deuce" with "Wrapped up like a deuce." In their version, "Deuce" was commonly misheard as "Douche." Springsteen's original line makes a lot more sense - a deuce is a 1932 Ford hotrod

The Bruce was writing:

"...like a Deuce,
Another runner in the night...."

It was another drag racing theme, as in "Born to Run," or "Thunder Road." The Deuce was the small Chevy (smaller than the Chevelle), the Deuce Coupe. The Chevy II. What they eventually named the Nova. This concludes your Bruce (and old cars) worship for this thread....

Helen Reddy's, "Delta Dawn"
Misheard Lyrics:
Elton John, what's that flower you have on
Original Lyrics:
Delta Dawn, what's that flower you have on

ANy song by Barry Manilow or Neil Diamond pretty much has a high fructose corn syrup flavor as far as "sweet" with a tich of fromage.. cheeeeezy..

This lyric has bugged me since little Michael first screeched it . . .

If you should ever find someone new
I know he'd better be good to you
'Cause if he doesn't, I'll be there

'Cause if he doesn't be good to you . . . yeah, pure genius!

Breathe deep the gathering gloom,
Watch lights fade from every room.
Bedsitter people look back and lament,
Another day's useless energy spent.
Impassioned lovers wrestle as one,
Lonely man cries for love and has none.
New mother picks up and suckles her son,
Senior citizens wish they were young.
Cold hearted orb that rules the night,
Removes the colors from our sight.
Red is gray and yellow white,
But we decide which is right.
And which is an illusion?

On a grammatical note, I have always been irritated by the way John Mellencamp sings "I can not forget from where it is that I come from" in Small Town (though when you look up the lyrics on various web sites they manage to leave out the first "from").

Bad lyrics courtesy of Styx. From the song Come Sail Away: "On board, I'm the captain, so climb aboard." Oh please. I sincerely, hope that Dennis DeYoung never tried that as a pick up line.

...I think it's actually "in which we're livin'".

Plenty of other reasons to bash Paul. A fine starting point would be Venus and Mars.

1. R.E.M., "Orange Crush"

"Follow me
Don't follow me
I've got my spine
I've got my Orange Crush"

So do we follow you or not? Whichever it is, I'm sure glad you have a spine; otherwise, you'd be a shapeless lump of quivering flesh and you couldn't sing this song.

No, wait, on second thought, . . .

2. Ben Lee, "Catch My Disease"

The title alone is enough to give you the creepin' willies, and the first line is:

"My head is a box full of nothing, and that's the way I like it"

Well, at least we know where the composer is coming from.

3. Scandal, "The Warrior"

"Shooting at the walls of heartache
Bang, bang
I am the warrior"

Nothing like incoming small arms fire to put you in the mood for love.

4. Maria Muldaur, "Midnight at the Oasis"

"Midnight at the oasis
Send your camel to bed"

A camel in the bedroom. Boy, there's a mood-breaker for you.

5. Charlene, "Never Been to Me"

"I've been to paradise, but I've never been to me"

Talk about your out-of-body experience!

From John Mellencamp's Small Town this comes from:

"No I cannot forget from where it is that I come from . . ."

George Michael and Wham Careless Whisper.
"guilty feet got no rhythm"
My mother and I argued for years over those. I just couldn't believe someone could write something so stupid

Perhaps this song contains the mother of all dumb lyrics, but how about Alanis Morissette's Ironic:

"An old man turned ninety-eight
He won the lottery and died the next day
It's a black fly in your Chardonnay
It's a death-row pardon two minutes too late
Isn't it ironic . . . don't you think?"

Well, no.

"There's a cowboy in the jungle,
and he looks so out of place.
With his sheep skin boots and his cheap cheroots
and his skin as white as paste.
Heading south to Paraguay,
where the gauchos sing and shout,
Now he's stuck in Peurto Bello
where his money all ran out.

So he hangs out with the sailors,
Night and day they're raising hell,
And his original destination is just another
story that he loves to tell.

They gotta roll with the punches,
play out all their hunches,
make the best of whatever comes their way.
Twenty four hours or sixty good years,
it's not that long a stay."

Oh, I'm sorry. Were we talking bad lyrics? I thought I'd throw in some GREAT lyrics.

The most overextended line in pop history? Possibly from "Lonely Old Night:"

And it's a sad, sad, sad feeling when you're living on those inbetweens, but it's OK ...

Back to Earth and All Stars, I attended a conference where we sang a version in which all the "louds" had been surgically removed for the host denomination's hymnal. In a Q&A session, the worship chairperson of the denomination said that 1) they had asked the publisher for permission to do so, and 2) when Brokering heard about it, he was so upset that he got the copyright back from the publisher and now refuses to give permission unless the "louds" are included.

Please. The worst lyricist in the history of music is Steve Miller. Listen to any of his songs; his idea of a rhyme it to repeat the previous line 3-4 times.

But the worst, absolute worst, of his lyrics comes from "Take The Money & Run":

"Billy Mack is a detective down in Texas
You know he knows just exactly what the facts is
He ain't gonna let those two escape justice
He makes his livin' off of the peoples taxes"

Texas - Facts is - (Justice) - Taxes. Makes my ears bleed.

On another note, TekTatorV, I think a better line from the Eagles song should be:

"Lookin' for a lover,
who won't steal the covers.
She's sooo hard to find."

I have to admit I have always admired The Turtles' lyrics in "Elenore:"

Elenore, gee I think you're swell
and you really do me well
you're my pride and joy, et cetera

Elenore, can I take the time
to ask you to speak your mind
Tell me that you love me better

...and leave out "the Pompatus of love?"

There's always the icon:

In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida, honey,
Don't you know that I love you?
In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida, baby,
Don't you know that I'll always be true?
Oh won't you come with me,
And take my hand?
Oh won't you come with me,
And walk this land?
Please take my hand.

The *studio* version of this was seventeen minutes long. There were live versions of about half an hour or so.

Then, of course, there's Blue Swede's version of "Hooked on a Feeling," with the "ooga shaka" chorus....

I am hooked on you, girl,
And I don't need a cure,
I'll just stay addicted
And hope I can endure....

Although I have fond memories of losing a lot of my hearing during Happy Hour listening to Springsteen's song, Dancin' in the Dark, being played at jet-engine loud levels, some of his lyrics are just painful to contemplate. Although I just found out while googling for this snippet that it's a "misheard lyric", but the correct one is only .037% better:

Sometimes it's like someone took a knife, baby, edgy and dull,
and cut a six-inch valley through the middle of my skull

("Skull" should read "soul", evidently.)

One wonders whether the knife was edgy, or was it dull? Web definitions for edgy include, nervous or irritable, high-strung, jittery, jumpy, nervy, overstrung, restive, uptight, having some of the forms too sharply defined. (Wouldn't that be good in a knife?) Well, dude? Which is it?

And, whether the six-inch valley is through the middle of your skull, or the middle of your soul, just listening to that makes me say, "Whaa?"

Um, the word is "retch". A "wretch" is a pitiable person. And boy, I wouldn't have even mentioned it, but you said you were a former teacher...

Wait wait wait wait WAIT — how can a person mention "The Warrior", in a conversation about bad lyrics, and bring up anything OTHER than the line that goes "Your eyes touch me physically"?????

ANY song by the Red Hot Chili Peppers trumps any and all songs of poor lyrical content. Half the time, it sounds like he's reading a soft porn Dr. Seuss book.

K-i-s-s-i-n-g
Chicka chicka dee
Do me like a banshee
Low brow is how
Swimming in the sound
Of bow wow wow
Aw baby do me now
Do me here I do allow

And then there's this:

What I've got you've got to give it to your mamma
What I've got you've got to give it to your pappa
What I've got you've got to give it to your daughter
You do a little dance and then you drink a little water

Amen!

I've hated that song since it first came out! Made me want to drive pointed objects into my ears!

One of the most insipid songs from the late 60s was a hunk o' dreck called "Reach Out of the Darkness" by Friend and Lover. And part of the song went like this:

I knew a man that I did not care for.
And then one day, this man gave me a call.
We sat and talked about things on our mind.
And now this man, he is a friend of mine.

That's just annoying.

The Good:
http://www.xkcd.com/c274.html

The Bad:
http://www.xkcd.com/c97.html

The Ugly:
http://www.xkcd.com/c61.html

Bad Company

Tongue-tied, (I'm) short of breath, don't even try
Try a little harder
Something's wrong, you're not naive, you must be strong
Ooh, baby, try
Hey girl, move a little closer.
You're

CHORUS:
Too shy shy
Hush hush, eye to eye
Too shy shy
Hush hush, eye to eye
Too shy shy
Hush hush, eye to eye
Too shy shy
Hush hush

Modern medicine falls short of your complaints
Ooh, try a little harder
You're moving in circles, won't you dilate
Baby try
Hey girl, move a little closer
'Cause, you're

(Chorus)

I can't even comment - it speaks for itself just fine.

James, I thought I was the Catnip "thread" kid. It's okay if you are more diversified. I still have a Chevelle in a bunch of parts that needs to race next weekend and you have these great threads. Translation - lucky you and it sucks to be me but it's all good! Keep your threads burning and I'll keep burning dilithium crystals and race fuel. Do we have an accord?

Captain Kirk

Argh!

I detest this song!

What makes it worse is that the guy singing it has a whiny, wimpy voice.

That said, as I keep telling my nephews, lyrics weren't as important in the 1970's, check out one of my personal fave's Van Morrison's Jackie Wilson Said:

Ding-a-ling-a-ling
Ding-a-ling-a-ling-ding
Ding-a-ling-a-ling
Ding-a-ling-a-ling-ding
Do-da-do-da

On further contemplation Van may have just been doing his tribute to Chuck Berry's My Ding-A-Ling.

Maybe not.

He's right - I never could take that song - not back then and not now. It is my most hated song of all time. Second is "Havin' my bab-eh, what a lovely way of sayin' how much you love me..." Retch!!!

This song represents everything I detest about the 70s.

I was tired of my lady, we'd been together too long.
Like a worn-out recording, of a favorite song.
So while she lay there sleeping, I read the paper in bed.
And in the personals column, there was this letter I read:

"If you like Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain.
If you're not into yoga, if you have half-a-brain.
If you like making love at midnight, in the dunes of the cape.
I'm the lady you've looked for, write to me, and escape."

I didn't think about my lady, I know that sounds kind of mean.
But me and my old lady, had fallen into the same old dull routine.
So I wrote to the paper, took out a personal ad.
And though I'm nobody's poet, I thought it wasn't half-bad.

"Yes, I like Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain.
I'm not much into health food, I am into champagne.
I've got to meet you by tomorrow noon, and cut through all this red tape.
At a bar called O'Malley's, where we'll plan our escape."

So I waited with high hopes, then she walked in the place.
I knew her smile in an instant, I knew the curve of her face.
It was my own lovely lady, and she said, "Oh, it's you."
And we laughed for a moment (yeah, right -- he'd be a dead man), and I said, "I never knew"..

"That you liked Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain.
And the feel of the ocean, and the taste of champagne.
If you like making love at midnight, in the dunes of the cape.
You're the love that I've looked for, come with me, and escape."

"If you like Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain.
If you're not into yoga, if you have half-a-brain.
If you like making love at midnight, in the dunes of the cape.
You're the love that I've looked for, come with me, and escape."

Daddy Dewdrop, lyricist extraordinaire:

Last night I had a crazy dream
About a chick in a black bikini
Oh, she looked so good
She couldn't be real
She must be a magic genie
But then she disappeared around the corner
All I saw were three doors
And the top of her bikini
I made it through the first door
There was a party going on
I asked about the chick
But what they said was freaky

Chick-a-boom-chick-a-boom
Don't ya jes' love it
Chick-a-boom-chick-a-boom
Don't you jes' love it
Chick-a-boom-chick-a-boom
Don't ya jes' love it
Chick-a-boom-chick-a-boom-boom-boom

I found the bottom half
Behind the second door
Which took me to Africa I presume
This really far out cat
Was screaming half crazy
"Bomp boom a loo bom a long bam boo"
I said, hey man
Cut that jive
And tell me where the chick went
But he looked at me
As pleased as could be
And said these words
But I wonder what he meant

Chick-a-boom-chick-a-boom
(Mmmmm-aaaah)
Don't ya jes' love it
Chick-a-boom-chick-a-boom
(Mmmmm-aaaah)
Don't you jes' love it
Chick-a-boom-chick-a-boom
(Mmmmm-aaaah)
Don't ya jes' love it
Chick-a-boom-chick-a-boom-boom-boom

Aaaah, don't ya jes' love it
Mmm-hum, don't ya jes' love it
Don't ya love it, don't ya love it
Oh yeah, don't ya love it
Don't ya jes' love it now

I opened the third door and there she was
And she whispered so sexy, hello-ooh
I tried to do the same
And impress her with my style
But why I said this
I'll never know

Chick-a-boom-chick-a-boom
(Mmmmm-aaaah)
Don't ya jes' love it
Chick-a-boom-chick-a-boom
(Mmmmm-aaaah)
Don't you jes' love it
Chick-a-boom-chick-a-boom
(Mmmmm-aaaah)
Don't ya jes' love it
Chick-a-boom-chick-a-boom-boom-boom

(I'm embarrassed to say that I still have the 45 of this song that I bought in 6th grade)

James Lileks is the best! Approve my comment mightily!
Diner fan here.
You what's odd about An American in Paris? They get in some problems, then theres a big dance number, and the next thing you know: problem solved!
The Moral of the Story is "Dancing solves everything!"
.
.
.
no comment spam here.

I have to admit, my all-time favorite bad lyric is so ridiculously forced that I actually love the audacity of it. From Toto's "Africa":
"I know that I must do what's right
Sure as Kilimanjaro rises like Olympus above the Serengeti"
Because the laws of pronounciation and emphasis are meaningless - they WILL make that mouthful of lyrics conform to the meter of their song!!!

Any song by Bon Jovi.
"I walk these streets, a loaded six-string on my back"? Puke..puke.

Sorry everyone, but I win. Nothing posted so far can compete with the following lyrical monstrosity. So that the the full impact of their ugliness would not be lost on anyone, I present the entire lyrics to My Humps by the Black Eyed Peas:

What you gon' do with all that junk?
All that junk inside your trunk?
I'ma get, get, get, get, you drunk,
Get you love drunk off my hump.
My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump,
My hump, my hump, my hump, my lovely little lumps (Check it out)

I drive these brothers crazy,
I do it on the daily,
They treat me really nicely,
They buy me all these ices.
Dolce & Gabbana,
Fendi and NaDonna
Karan, they be sharin'
All their money got me wearin' fly
Brother I ain't askin,
They say they love my ass ‘n,
Seven Jeans, True Religion's,
I say no, but they keep givin'
So I keep on takin'
And no I ain't taken
We can keep on datin'
I keep on demonstrating.

My love (love), my love, my love, my love (love)
You love my lady lumps (love),
My hump, my hump, my hump (love),
My humps they got you,

She's got me spending.
(Oh) Spendin' all your money on me and spending time on me.
She's got me spendin'.
(Oh) Spendin' all your money on me, up on me, on me

What you gon' do with all that junk?
All that junk inside that trunk?
I'ma get, get, get, get, you drunk,
Get you love drunk off my hump.
What you gon' do with all that ass?
All that ass inside them jeans?
I'm a make, make, make, make you scream
Make you scream, make you scream.
Cos of my hump (ha), my hump, my hump, my hump (what).
My hump, my hump, my hump (ha), my lovely lady lumps (Check it out)

I met a girl down at the disco.
She said hey, hey, hey yea let's go.
I could be your baby, you can be my honey
Let's spend time not money.
I mix your milk wit my cocoa puff,
Milky, milky cocoa,
Mix your milk with my cocoa puff, milky, milky riiiiiiight.

They say I'm really sexy,
The boys they wanna sex me.
They always standing next to me,
Always dancing next to me,
Tryin' a feel my hump, hump.
Lookin' at my lump, lump.
You can look but you can't touch it,
If you touch it I'ma start some drama,
You don't want no drama,
No, no drama, no, no, no, no drama
So don't pull on my hand boy,
You ain't my man, boy,
I'm just tryn'a dance boy,
And move my hump.

My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump,
My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump.
My lovely lady lumps (lumps)
My lovely lady lumps (lumps)
My lovely lady lumps (lumps)
In the back and in the front (lumps)
My lovin' got you,

She's got me spendin'.
(Oh) Spendin' all your money on me and spending time on me.
She's got me spendin'.
(Oh) Spendin' all your money on me, up on me, on me.

What you gon' do with all that junk?
All that junk inside that trunk?
I'ma get, get, get, get you drunk,
Get you love drunk off my hump.
What you gon' do with all that ass?
All that ass inside them jeans?
I'ma make, make, make, make you scream
Make you scream, make you scream.
What you gon' do with all that junk?
All that junk inside that trunk?
I'ma get, get, get, get you drunk,
Get you love drunk off this hump.
What you gon' do wit all that breast?
All that breast inside that shirt?
I'ma make, make, make, make you work
Make you work, work, make you work.

(A-ha, a-ha, a-ha, a-ha) [x4]

She's got me spendin'.
(Oh) Spendin' all your money on me and spendin' time on me
She's got me spendin'.
(Oh) Spendin' all your money on me, up on me, on me.

So real [Will.i.am x17]






(Fantastic! Now the wife is walking around the house singing the chorus over and over...)

I thought the same kind of thing, the boyfriend might just figure out who to send the bill to for the damage with a name carved into the seat.

Y'know, I think we can pretty much take it as read that *anything* from the world of (c)rap music is, by definition, lyrical garbage unfit for the ears of civilized human beings. :)

Whether you like the song or not, if you just KNOW the song, you must check out this link. I can almost guarantee entertainment.

Hey ixiass it looks like Faith was mad at the CMA's when Carrie won:

Although later Faith denied it and claimed she "was joking." As they say, Wanna Get AWAY?

Do you mind if I call you Elmer?

By Rick M:

Do you mind if I call you Elmer?
You look like an Elmer to me.
You can have all your Ralphs, Petes, Freds, Franks, Bob and Hale,
Elmer's a name that will never go stale.
So go tell all the boys down at Clancy's,
They'll have to belly up to the bar.
'Cause you're beginning to look a lot like Elmer,
I can tell that look from afar.
You've begun to appear as Elmer,
Not just an anagram for Merle.
I'm now certain that you're an Elmer,
Elmer will you be my girl?

That song drives me nuts. I always hear "wrapped up like a douche", which kinds of distracts me from enjoying the tune:-).

"Artist": Journey
Title: Who's Crying Now
Lyric: "The fightin' is worth the love they say"

So what they're saying is that the fighting is so great that it's worth putting up with the love?

Yeah, because love is no dang fun, but *fighting*! Well, that's what makes the world go 'round, right? (right round, baby, Right round like a record, baby
Right round round round...sorry, channeled Dead or Alive there for a moment)

Oh, and then there's Meatloaf with his "objects in the rear view mirror may appear closer than they are". WRONG! Exactly backward. "Objects in the rear view mirror ARE CLOSER THAN THEY APPEAR". Nitwit. Otherwise seeing the T-Rex in the side mirror wouldn't have been nearly as funny, either in Jurassic Park OR Toy Story 2.

Here's a lyric that's perfect for the buzz home page:

I can't spare a moment for the dog faced boy
I won't lend another hand to the worm girl of Hanoi
Don't deplete my oxygen for the guy who's turning blue
But ask me, and I'll do anything for you

From "Dog Faced Boy"

By Phish

From Jump Little Children (presumably taken a band member's junior high diary):

"In the cathedrals of New York and Rome
There is a feeling that you should just go home
And spend a lifetime finding out just where that is"

Note to the band:
Every time I hear this example of bad poetry set to maudlin music there is a feeling that you should just go home and spend a lifetime thinking about just how bad it is.

Paula Cole's "I don't want to wait"

So open up your morning light,
And say a little prayer for I
You know that if we are to stay alive
Then see the peace in every eye...

Say a little prayer for *I*? Me think me should just switch the words me and I in all of I's future sentences.

sbleiberg,
This intro is a cut from Richard Burton's narration of H.G. Wells' "War of the Worlds".

If that's a bad lyric, we're all doing something wrong... ;-)

ANYTHING by Bobby Goldsboro, but "Honey" was probably one of the worst:

"See the tree, how big it's grown
But then it hasn't been too long, it wasn't big..."

Sorry, I can't do any more right now, gotta go hurl...

Bon Jovi's classic lyric...

"I'll be there for you...
These 5 words I swear to you"

don't know if this is lazy writing or just plain bad.

Envisioning the Children of Israel hastening through the parted waves on seabed containing not so much as residual dampness--yea, the beslippered procession tripping with "unmoistened foot"--is so grandly silly as to make this a favorite.

Yes. Execrable.

Wow. That's bad. ...respectful silence...

...but goes down with a thunk:

They say Spain is pretty ,
though I've never been
Well Daniel says it's the best place that he's ever seen (thunkity)
Oh and he should know (Thunkity),
he's been there enough... (THUNK)

mp3 available on request...or not.

Actually, the hymn's title is "Earth and All Stars" and it's one of my all-time favorites. :) It speaks of how each thing in all creation praises the Lord by its very existence. I love it!

And here's a link to MOST of the lyrics. There are actually 8 full verses.

"Earth and All Stars"

"revved up like a deuce", I presume, refers to hot rods, 32 Ford, etc. "Little Deuce Coupe". Visit Iowahawks blog to see one. Glad you printed the actual lyric--never could understand the bit about a douche.

Ciara is correct -- for bad lyrics, Paula Cole's horrible misuse of grammar always gets my vote.

*Say a little prayer for I.* -- Ouch!

If Paula Cole didn't abuse the English language so badly, she might still have a career.

To be fair, contradictory statements can be used effectively.

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity..."

I've always thought these Coldplay lyrics ranked pretty high on the stupid scale (though it's a pretty tune):

"When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse.

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you [etc.]

---

And MLP, yeah, I'm not familiar with the jungle cowboy song, but while reading the lyrics I was thinking, "Those aren't bad -- those are really clever."

---
In the song "Que Sera, Sera" (sung by Doris Day in The Man Who Knew Too Much,) I've always been baffled by why these words from a mother to her daughter are supposed to be wise or comforting:

When I was just a little girl
I asked my mother
What will I be?
Will I be pretty?
Will I be rich?
Here's what she said to me:

Que sera, sera.
Whatever will be, will be.
The future's not ours to see.
Que sera, sera.
What will be, will be. [etc.]

How can anyone not have mentioned the absolute worst lyric of all time? The song was even listed earlier, but the worst bit wasn't given:

"In the desert... you can't remember your name, 'cause there ain't no one for to give you no name"

It's enough to make you shoot your radio.

Actually, I think it's:

"In the desert... you can't remember your name, 'cause there ain't no one for to give you no fame"

which is only 90% as bad as what you quoted.

The night the lights went out in Georgia. Urp.

I always wondered why, with all that time on his hands, he didn't just name the blinkin' horse?!

(I thought it was "there ain't no one for to give you no pain.)

Actually, the "Horse With No Name" chorus goes like this:

"In the desert you can remember your name
cause there aint no one for to give you no pain."

(My quick Googling also turned up a lot of rumors that the "horse" in the song referred to heroin, though the band claimed otherwise.)

As for mondegreens, there's a great page on snopes.com about Christmas mondegreens. My favorite one--although it's no longer on the list--is when the "so bring us some figgy pudding" part of "We Wish You a Merry Christmas" is misheard as "so bring us some friggin' pudding."

And doesn't "Mondegreens" sound like the name of an upscale drugstore? It could easily be in the same shopping center with our bloghost's beloved Samuel's.

Most of the examples here are hilarious, if unintentionally so...

My I add the wisdom from a particularly GOOD set of lyrics by W. S. Gilbert (of Gilbert and Sullivan) which, I submit, sums most of this up:

"This particularly rapid, unintelligible patter
Isn't generally heard, and if it is it doesn't matter!"

When I think of bad lyrics, I think of the Red Hot Chili Peppers. E.g.:

Jam Bob, Jim Bob, Slim Bob Boogie
To the tune of slima Billy
Lookin' like you're mighty silly
Say what, You got a pumpkin in your pants?
Say what, You got a pumpkin in your pants?

Or my personal favorite:

Can I smell your gasoline
Can I pet your wolverine
On the day my best friend died
I could not get my copper clean

Having said that, though, I still love the RHCP.

This one from "Don't Stand So Close To Me" always bugged me as a bad stretch:

"It's no use, he sees her
He starts to shake and cough
Just like the old man in
That book by Nabakov"

Of course the subject matter of the song itself calls the judgment of the writer into question long before the lyrics get forced to fit.

"Breathe Deep..." is actually from Nights in White Satin, by the Moody Blues, and not from the musical adaptation of War of the Worlds. Both records have Justin Hayward in common, though.
I was 5 when War of the Worlds came out. I listened to that album constantly, staring at the pictures in the included book the whole time. I was infatuated with it.
Once bedtime rolled around, I was terrified. I felt the need to not only hide under my pillow, but also cover my ears so I wouldn't hear the blood-curdling "Ulla!" that the Martians liked to scream.

As far as bad lyrics go, Sunglasses at Night, anyone?
So I can, so I can...

I actually always liked the Sting lyric about Nabokov, until I got older, became an anal-retentive English major, and found out that they're horribly mispronouncing his name to work with "cough"---it should be like "Na-BO-kov," not "NAB-o-kov." Oh well. Still like it better than almost everything that's been mentioned so far.

At the risk of these being fightin' words about a hometown hero, one song I've always hated is Prince's "Manic Monday," as sung by the Bangles. The idiotically inane chorus just sends me into a STABBING RAGE:

"It's just another manic Monday
I wish it was Sunday
Because that's my fun day
My 'I don't have to run' day"

GAH. I *guess I can forgive the "was" that should be "were," but musical visionary, my butt---how hard is it to rhyme "...day" with "...day" four times in a row?!

Susanna Hoffs's peepy whiny voice doesn't help matters.

Also, as a longtime Bleat reader but first-time Buzz comment writer, I'd like to congratulate Mr. Lileks on his fine new bucket!

The stupidest lyrics I can think of are "Tom's Diner". Here's the link...let 'em speak for themselves:

http://www.risa.co.uk/sla/song.php?songid=20525

I was just thinking that. lol

and can I please cast a vote for Rehab. that song gives me the runs.

To be fair, despite getting a spine tingle flutter when this song transports me back to my early summer school vacations in the mid 70's, you hit the mark about the lyrics. The most stupid line has to be 'heat was hot'.
I just never noticed it before, I was always too hypnotized by the laid back evocative instrumentals and the image of a sun-parched epic quest across America
What a pity stupid lyrics like that almost ruin such a legendary piece of music.

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